[00:00:00] Today I am with the lovely Crystal. Um, Crystal, do you want to give us a little intro? Tell us what you do, who you are, what you're all about. Yeah, absolutely. So my name is Crystal Dare Bening. I own a company called Word Magic and I have been a ghostwriter, gosh, since I was 14. Um, I have four New York Times bestsellers and I help rebels, misfits and world changing humans tell their stories in books, um, and, and really kind of get their messages out there and, uh, invest in their own IP.
[00:00:31] I love this. Um, I mean, so how did you start so young? That's my first question. How did you get into that? Uh, by accident. It's actually the short story. So I kind of have to go back a little. So when I was nine, um, I actually suffered a trauma with a capital T. My best friend actually died in a fire. And at the time when I was 9, anyway, um, therapy was not a thing, you know, people didn't send their kids to therapy.
[00:00:59] You [00:01:00] were considered mad or crazy if you went to therapy. And so it wasn't the thing that was brought forward as an option, but my parents knew I wasn't dealing well. And what my dad realized was I was really good at sitting down at a table and writing stories and telling stories. So. You know, my mom had gone out and bought me a Nintendo that Christmas to try and distract me and I cried and said, all I wanted was a typewriter.
[00:01:23] And my dad was like, we're going to get the kid a typewriter. So they got me a typewriter and I literally healed myself as much as I could. Anyway, I healed myself through writing and. So it just kind of became a thing. Um, for the record, I thought everybody knew how to write. I did not consider myself special or talented.
[00:01:40] I didn't think it was a future. I just thought it was something I did for funsies. Um, and that, you know, I would eventually go get a real job, quote unquote. So when I turned 14, I was doing an internship for high school. And my internship was with a radio company, uh, [00:02:00] and I was doing a lot of research and writing of questions in the background for, for somebody that was on air.
[00:02:05] The person who I was working for was dyslexic and they had a lot of learning disabilities. So they really struggled with the idea of research and writing their own questions and things of that nature. So I filled the gap is essentially what happened. And back in the day, this person had a massive following.
[00:02:23] And so they were offered a book deal. And when they were offered the book deal, she literally was like, I don't, I don't do any of my own writing. This is, this is not a thing. So she came to me and asked me if I would write her book. 14. I know nothing about writing books. I know nothing about contracts.
[00:02:42] Really long story short, I say yes. I write this book for her. Because I don't know about contracts, she actually reneges on the contract after the book is published. The book publishes, uh, two weeks before I turn 16. So that was my very first book. Published two weeks before I turned 16, immediately went to the New York Times [00:03:00] bestseller list.
[00:03:01] And when I said, great, where's my paycheck? Super excited. She said, what paycheck and conveniently forgot the conversation that we had had around me writing this book. She did eventually agree to pay me in dog food. Because the radio station had an affiliate with a pet company and had a surplus of dog food at the, at the radio station.
[00:03:28] And she thought, since I had a dog at home, that was an appropriate. Compensation versus giving me cash. Long story short, couldn't sue her because there was no contract. Hard lesson learned. Um, but the best thing that came out of it was her publisher recognized what happened because through all the edits, through all the, you know, the meetings, I was the one that was talking to them about what I was writing.
[00:03:52] And so the publishing company, after recognizing what she did, said, look, we can't pay you your contract because the contract wasn't with us, but [00:04:00] what we can do is take you under our wings and teach you everything that we know about being a ghostwriter and writing great books. And so, you know, knock on wood, I was so blessed that that that was kind of my journey.
[00:04:10] But I think, honestly, part of the reason it did so well is because I didn't know what I didn't know. I didn't go in with an expectation. I never said I want to be a New York Times bestseller. Writing was just something I love to do and I, I knew I was pretty decent at it, but I thought everybody could write like that.
[00:04:27] And so I just kind of went for it. And that's how I started. So that was my very first book. What a journey at such a young age. I can't even imagine being offered. an opportunity like that at that age and then having to experience what you experienced and having to navigate that when you kind of just don't know any better at that age, right?
[00:04:47] Like, how do you deal with such big emotions and feelings and experiences when you're so young? Do you ever look back and wonder what would have happened if you didn't? That opportunity hadn't come along. Do you think you [00:05:00] still would have ended up where you are? Do you look back and think, oh, I was a bit too young to go through that?
[00:05:04] Or do you look back and think, do you know what? It was exactly as it was supposed to be. So I believe that things happen exactly as they're meant to. I 100 percent believe that. Um, whether it's. You know, whether it was the trauma that I had to deal with at 9 to that opened me up to writing in the 1st place, um, whether it was getting screwed out of my contract and getting the deal with the publisher and working with them and learning what I learned through them.
[00:05:29] I agree, I think it all happened for a reason now at 14. She definitely had me stressed, right? 14, 15, 16. She definitely had me stressed. Um, I learned things the hard way, but in learning things the hard way, I feel like it set me up so much better for the future. Cause now there's, there's no mucking about, you want to work with me on a book?
[00:05:49] There is an iron clad contract for us both about what's expected. What are the deadlines and timelines? How much money it's going to cost? When it needs to be paid. Like we are super, super clear about [00:06:00] that. I wouldn't have known. Necessarily, like, maybe I would have continued to operate with a crappy, like, loose contract that left me open to problems.
[00:06:09] Whereas because of that situation, I learned really fast and I changed the way that I operate. Um, and it didn't turn me off of writing. In fact, I think it actually spurred me on. I'm kind of one of those people that when people say, you know, you can't or don't, it's like my inner rebel, like, rears its head and says, sit back and just, just freaking watch.
[00:06:28] Like, I'm gonna nail this, I'm gonna do it so hard, you're gonna be blown away. Um, and then I did it. Now, the funny thing was that nobody knew about my book except basically my parents because you're under confidentiality when you're writing a book. And so I didn't necessarily have, um, like I had a confidentiality contract, but I didn't have a payment contract, which was interesting.
[00:06:51] So I had signed an NDA, but I had never signed anything that said about my payment. So again, lesson learned. But in doing that, what I [00:07:00] recognized is like, I really liked being the person behind the scenes. I really liked being the writer. I didn't really want to be in the spotlight. And that's when we sort of shifted in the last few years where I've been like, okay, I've written for a lot of humans and they're really great humans.
[00:07:15] But sometimes, just sometimes I want a little piece of the pie and the industry as a whole is starting to change and shift. And so we're seeing more and more ghostwriters come. You know, face forward. Uh, David Goggins book, for example, You Can't Hurt Me, classic example, was written by a ghostwriter. David Goggins is like, are you kidding me?
[00:07:35] Like, I was this, like, big army guy with learning disabilities. Like, I couldn't have written that thing, so he hired this guy, Adam. Adam wrote the book. Adam even voices his book and just talks to David in between the, the chapters to get different stories being told. And that was one of the first times that I ever remember seeing a ghostwriter come forward and somebody actively say, no, no, I used to [00:08:00] ghostwriter and it's not a bad thing.
[00:08:02] I I'm shit at doing my taxes. So I have an accountant like, come on guys, like there's all things that we want to do and can't do and whatever. And so my first experience was with somebody who couldn't write, they had a learning disability. It wasn't their fault. They just, it wasn't something that came easily to them, so they hired me because it comes easily to me.
[00:08:20] I'm fine with that. Um, and I learned along the way, you know, how to do things and who I liked working with and who I didn't like working with. And, you know, I've written a New York Times bestseller with somebody I didn't love at all, who was so frustrating. And I've written New York Times bestsellers with people that I adore.
[00:08:38] It's all a lesson, but, um, I think I would have probably ended up still in the same position. It just would have been a different journey. Yeah. I'm really curious to hear more about what you touched on there because a lot of people who listen to the podcast are on a business journey where they are maybe growing a following or they are getting asked to be on podcasts, for example.
[00:08:59] [00:09:00] And there's an element of this kind of this belief of the more out there you are, the more people who see you, the more people who applaud you, the more awards you win. The more successful you are. And it's like this kind of external validation. A lot of people are chasing. I'm wondering how you feel having published books that you watch do really well, knowing that you did that, but not being the person always being credited.
[00:09:25] Like, how does that feel for you? My bank account says it feels really damn good. I love that answer. My bank account says it feels really damn good because here's the thing. The person whose name is on the book now has to go to a book tour and sit on Oprah's couch and defend their book and blah, blah, blah.
[00:09:45] I get to go to the Maldives, sit in an overwater bungalow, and sip Mai Tai's all day while swimming with the fishies. I like my end of the bargain so much better. And It took a long time to realize that, that I like, I liked being the [00:10:00] person, you know, it's funny I'm wearing bright colors today, but I like being the person in black who's kind of behind the scenes who like, I'm like a secret weapon.
[00:10:07] I've always enjoyed that experience for myself, mostly because it grants me freedom. So my, I think what people need to understand if you're an entrepreneur, whether like, however you want to approach your business, you need to understand what your primary value is. And what you hold nearest and dearest.
[00:10:24] And for me, it's freedom and being somebody with like J. K. Rowling with my name on the front of a book, God, no, she can't get a moment of peace. Everybody's always up in her business and wants to know what she's up to and what she's doing. And Michael Crichton and Stephen King, like, cool. It's exciting to be a household name.
[00:10:43] And. I don't want the kind of notoriety that somebody's going through my garbage can looking for dirt every day. I just want to go live my life and do it. The first million I made, nobody knew. So guess what? It's kind of like winning the lotto, but [00:11:00] nobody knows. I had a million dollars in my bank account and not a single soul could tear me down or ask me for money or borrow money or, or tell me that I'm wrong because I'm not giving it all to charity or whatnot.
[00:11:13] I just got to go live my damn life. I'm so glad we're speaking. I'm so glad you're sharing this perspective because I got caught up in this a little bit. My first couple of years in business, I ended up, you know, when you're, you're like just moving and then you suddenly think, how on earth did I get here?
[00:11:32] There was a moment where I was in like this newspaper article and I was getting all these hate comments and I just suddenly realized. I don't want this. I actually have no desire to be in magazines, in newspapers, to do interviews. I love being at home, doing whatever I want to do, with nobody in my business.
[00:11:53] And that doesn't mean I'm not going to be successful. It just means that maybe my success doesn't look like, you know, someone else's [00:12:00] version. But it took me such a long time to, to figure that out. So I'm so glad you're coming at this from a different perspective. I mean, I grew up with two entrepreneurs, both my parents had their own businesses.
[00:12:12] And the number one lesson that they taught me growing up with their own businesses was it's not about the number of people that come into your business. It's about the number of people that spend money in your business. It's the loyal fans. It's the people who, you know, my dad was an auto mechanic and he's like, The number of people I can create a relationship with who have cars, who come back multiple times, so over the lifespan of their cars, they might spend 30, 60, 150, 000 with me in a lifespan versus chasing after one person to spend 150, 000?
[00:12:42] Why? Why? So he got really good at nurturing the people that were in his network, and I still, to this day, I mean, even with everything I've done and achieved and all the resume highlights, I don't have a massive following, and I'm kind of okay with it, [00:13:00] because when you come to me, it's often because you've expressed wanting to write a book to somebody who's used me or knows me, who goes, I know who your secret weapon is.
[00:13:10] You need to call this girl, she's gonna help you out, or call this woman, or here's her phone number, or here's her email. And I get these, like, adorably sweet messages that are like, Hey, so I was talking to Peter today and he suggested that I ring you because maybe, like, I've been thinking about doing a book and he said that, like, you were his secret weapon and I, we should talk.
[00:13:33] I love getting those emails because it's, that for me is the pinnacle. When your name is spoken in rooms that you are not in, Chef's kiss. I don't need to be on everybody's lips. I just need to be on selected people's lips and I'm cool with that. Love it. What would you say your, um, what does success look like to you?
[00:13:54] Like what are the moments in your day where you think this is success to me? [00:14:00] Uh, like this morning when I can sit and journal for myself for an hour and not feel the pressure to get out of bed at four o'clock in the morning because, you know, whatever. When I work with incredible clients whose books I actually enjoy and who are teaching me as I'm working with them.
[00:14:16] Right, like I get a master's education and a lot of cool things because of writing books because every single time somebody comes to me, you have to teach me what, you know, so I can write it. So, I have literally earned a master's degree and so many random fun, cool things because of that. Um, but for me, honestly, it's the moments when, you know, like, knock on wood this week, my dad went into hospital for emergency surgery.
[00:14:41] And because I'm self employed, because I have the money behind me, because I have the great clients, I'm able to lean into my clients and be like, not this week. This is a personal week. I love you guys. I'll talk to you next week. I'm rescheduling everything. I'm not going to be writing unless I have time in between, but do not expect [00:15:00] deadlines and I have the flexibility to step into what matters most.
[00:15:04] In a moment when a lot of other people would have to be negotiating time off or negotiating flex schedules or, or all of that kind of stuff that freedom for me is, is the definition of success. I actually learned a long time ago that a million dollars doesn't necessarily make me happy. Didn't make me unhappy.
[00:15:22] Let's be clear, but it didn't I don't need necessarily a million dollars as an, as a misnomer for like, when I'm going to be happy. What I recognized was like 250 to 300, 000. It's kind of like. What I personally require to live the life that I enjoy and to give me the freedom so that, you know, if I need to fly across country because my dad's sick, I can fly across country.
[00:15:45] If I, you know, want to buy my friend flowers because she had a shitty date and the guy was a doof and broke up with her. I can buy her flowers and send her flowers or whatever. That's the ultimate freedom for me. And that's what success [00:16:00] looks like for me. I don't care. I don't care about the number of projects on my desk.
[00:16:06] I care about the quality of projects on my desk. And so the money isn't a deciding factor in how, how, or why I take a project. It's, do I want to learn? Do I like this human? Do I think I could do it well, then I'll take on the project. And that only came from redefining success and what that meant for me.
[00:16:23] And now I want to give the caveat here that my husband works in finance and there is a backdrop of like, I do have some leeway and freeway to take less if I want to take less because, you know, his income earns quite well. Um, but even before he was around. This existed like five years ago. My husband didn't exist.
[00:16:46] He, we met and married in a month. It was like a whirlwind romance, whatever. And when, you know, when he stepped into my life, he had a finite job that required him to go to an office every day. And I introduced him to what freedom looked like. He was [00:17:00] like, yeah, I want a piece of that. He rearranged his entire career path so that he too could tap into freedom.
[00:17:06] And now we have flexibility to be able to run with it. But whether you have a partner or not, I did this for 20 years where I would tap into projects I loved and people I loved. But the success was, do I have freedom in this project? Do I love this project? Is it going to light me up and make me happy?
[00:17:21] And I found that by the way, whenever I followed that path, the money comes stupid easy. I'm not fighting for it. I'm not having to be in front of 10, 000 people or have my emails go to 50, 50 faces before somebody books something. I just kind of show up like myself and say, hey, this is what I'm really great at, and I'd be really excited to work with you on it if I'm the right human.
[00:17:45] How does that sound? And most of the time people will say yes, and I know that I'm a very polarizing human. And I'm sure many of your audience members find this about themselves. People either love us or hate us, right? There's, I am the person who I always joke there's [00:18:00] no in between. You don't kinda like me or kinda hate me.
[00:18:02] You either love me or hate me. Like, there is no middle ground. And I actually love that for me and for all of us. Because the truth is, you're not for everybody. You shouldn't be for everybody. So find your community, find your people, lean into them. And I'm gonna be rude, but F the haters. Bye! You're clearly not my person and that's okay.
[00:18:26] And the people who love me will continue to spend money with me, will continue to support me, will continue to let me help them realize their dreams. And that's pretty cool. I mean, there's so many lessons in here. And I think, um, one of the big things that comes up a lot with people who listen is that boundaries element of like, do I say yes to this client or do I say, no, I feel like I should say, yes, I don't want to upset anybody.
[00:18:50] And then fast forward a month, they think, oh my gosh, this client is making my life hard. I'm stuck at my laptop. I don't have freedom. And I think what you've said there is really important. It's like, [00:19:00] you know, you get to say no. You get to say, I don't want to work with this person. Or you get to say, actually, I'm not working today.
[00:19:05] I've got other things I really need to do. I think there's also a lesson in here for, for, for somebody as well is that, you know, I've run a bunch of different options in my business, right? So like you can come in book coaching where you're doing the writing and I'm just helping you along with the, the path.
[00:19:21] You could come in ghostwriting where I'm doing all of your writing and you're just kind of editing and advising along the way. And so what I recently had was somebody who came in for book coaching and I, I liked them, but I didn't love them, which is really interesting. I was just kind of like. I like this person, but like, I was struggling to see underneath the surface, right?
[00:19:43] Nobody had lifted their hood and examine for a minute. I was just kind of like. I'm confused by this human, because the person they are publicly. Is very different than the person I was experiencing every time we were having a call. And so I, I felt very odd because the person they were publicly, I [00:20:00] didn't necessarily love, but the person that I kept talking to privately, I was like.
[00:20:05] Damn, I actually really like this person. Like, I could be friends with this human. Long story short, they were book coaching. They shifted and went ghostwriting because after writing for a couple weeks, they were like, you know what? Forget it. I can't. I just need to hire you as a ghostwriter. Because I didn't necessarily love them at that point, I struggled with saying yes to taking the contract because I kept going, gosh, I can't get a good read on this person.
[00:20:29] I don't know. I didn't have any, like, red flags. But I wasn't getting the, like, checkered flag of, like, go, go, go either. I was just kind of stuck in limbo for being like, it's a white flag. Like, I'm going to surrender to this and see where it goes. And I'm so grateful I did, because this person has turned into one of my favorite clients.
[00:20:47] And I am actually learning so much in the process of writing their, their story and their book and their, their IP. It needed to happen, but I had to see that, you know, [00:21:00] just because I like them, but didn't love them. That wasn't a, that's not enough of a red flag. Sometimes you got to take a deeper look to truly understand.
[00:21:08] And for me, it was literally the shift from book coach to ghost writer. That made me go, damn, I actually really love working for this person. So I think there's boundaries. And then I think sometimes we get so quick to judge a red flag. And forget that sometimes we just need to give people a white flag of surrender and actually kind of feel it out.
[00:21:27] And leave yourself room to say no down the road. I mean, if the conversation that was had in this household was if I start working with her and it's a freaking nightmare, what do I do? And the answer was give her her money back and tell her, no, cut the contract. Just say, look, this isn't working for me.
[00:21:45] Here's your money back. I'm good. Money is not a good enough reason to keep a client who's a pain in the ass who you suck and hate working with. It's not. So for me, I often will keep the money in trust until the client project is done. [00:22:00] Like even though they're paying me along the way, rather than spend, hold the money in trust.
[00:22:04] And if at any point I need to cancel, here's a refund. I'm out. Protect myself. There's my boundary. Or, you know, keep working with them. And then I get a great paycheck at the end of it, where I'm like, Oh, yeah, me. I think that also is a, a real big lesson is when someone pays you wait until you finish before you then go spend the money.
[00:22:28] Cause I've also had clients with this situation where they're like, I want to let go of this client. They've that make me so unhappy, but I've already spent all the money they paid me. I can't afford to give them a refund and then you're stuck. Yeah. Then you're so stuck. The other thing that I do is like, you can build into your contracts along the way, checkpoints, right?
[00:22:46] To say like, you know, look, we're going to have a review at six months. And if this isn't working, we'll cut the second half of the contract or whatever. You can set those up like legally. There's ways you can build into your contract of how to disillusion and how to break [00:23:00] the contract. If you need the money.
[00:23:01] And I get it. Like, I, I still remember the first book coaching and client I had that was a six figure job. And I was like, I can't just sit with six figures in the bank. I need those six figures. I got, mom got bills to pay. Like, this is not going to be a thing. And now I try really hard to say, at the very least, what I do with it now, to be honest with you, is I take the client payment.
[00:23:23] And I invest it and I often invest it because at least while it's sitting there waiting for me to use it, I'm making more money on it. So I've learned to make my money work for me because dear God, I don't want to work for money for the entirety of my life. I want my money to work for me. So take my money, invest it in something that's got a decent return.
[00:23:45] And that way, my money is sitting there, but I feel better about it because it's still earning me money while I wait. And at the very least, if the client does cancel out on me down the road, or I cancel them out because I'm like boundary, I still get the money that it earned. [00:24:00] While sitting in the investment while waiting for them.
[00:24:03] So it's a win win for me. I still make some money on it, regardless of whether it's just sitting there waiting to go, like, can I cash the whole check or not? It's still going to sit and make me money while I wait. So there is no lose in that scenario. I've literally created a, a winning scenario for myself, no matter what.
[00:24:21] Yeah, I love this. So much good advice. Um, question for you then, if someone came along and said they wanted to offer you a book deal but it had to be written under your name about your journey and your life, what would your response to that be? The book was already written seven years ago. It was published on Amazon and Amazon only, and I've since removed the title, and I'll tell you why.
[00:24:45] Uh, so, I've always been a writer, but because I was a ghostwriter, I never talked about it. I was like, the secret. It was like, a secret that I was like, convinced I was gonna take to the grave, because all of my clients just came from publishers, so I never had to advertise, I never had to talk about it. [00:25:00] Um, but how the world actually knew me was as a luxury wedding and event planner.
[00:25:05] That's what I did. I planned luxury weddings all over the globe for years. And, uh, when one of the publishers I was working with said, Hey, we're not going to publish anything else until you publish your own book. Like, it's time. I was like, okay, fine. I went and wrote a book and I remember I was such a little snot back then.
[00:25:22] I brought the book in, I handed it to the, to the team and I said, This is the book. I'm not fucking editing it. Print it. Don't print it. Don't care. You asked for a book. I give you a book. Now, I was such a snot and, to be fair to them, I did actually end up adding a chapter after getting my feedback back.
[00:25:42] I'm not a total dick. I just, I was being a smartass like, you asked for this. I did the damn thing. Here it is. Um, but the book ended up being a story of my life in weddings. And going through filing for bankruptcy, going through [00:26:00] cancer treatments, getting married, getting divorced, all in the process of planning these events.
[00:26:05] And what I found after I printed was everybody felt like they knew me. Everybody who picked up my book suddenly felt like they were my freaking bestie because they'd read my stories. They knew what happened in my marriage. They knew what had happened in my, in my finances and whatever. And people truly felt deeply connected to me.
[00:26:28] Um, there was a span of about 4 or 5 years where every time somebody got diagnosed with cancer, somebody would be like, oh, you have to talk to crystal. And I was like, or don't because, like, I had cancer in my 20s and, like, I was in my late 30s at that point. Like. Cancer treatments change literally about every 5 years.
[00:26:48] So any information I had is basically useless to you at this point and no offense, but this is not the persona I want to take on in my life. I don't want to be the cancer survivor. [00:27:00] I didn't want that title. Um, so I, I was like, okay, that's fine. So the book was out for about eight years. And I finally, a few years ago, said, I'm pulling the title.
[00:27:10] Like, forget it. This book doesn't exist anymore. Purely because I got so sick of people not respecting the boundary of author. To human because, and it was my own doing. I told my story, but because I was pressured into doing it, I wasn't necessarily ready for the world to know my story. That makes sense.
[00:27:30] So I think looking back now, if somebody told me I had to put my name on a book. I'm in my 40s now, so I feel a little bit differently about life. I feel like I got some good stuff now that I would probably be more willing to share, but I think I would be cautious about how much of my own life. I told and how I told it, the voice would change on how I speak about things because when you publish a book, you're, you're essentially inviting people into your living room.
[00:27:59] You're inviting them [00:28:00] behind the scenes of your life and they will forever more feel like they know you and you can't change the, you can't change the story. You can't change the tune once you write a book about it. It's just not a thing. Um, so, yeah, I, I think if a publisher approached me today to write a book, I'd probably still say yes, but knowing what I know now, the book would have a completely different tone and a different approach to how I would tell my story in a way that still protects me and the people I love that I.
[00:28:32] Didn't think I was aware of until I became an author of my own story because I've been writing those books for other people and I just never considered it. Right? Because I'd never seen the other side of the coin. So part of my journey as a writer was actually writing that and experiencing it as an author and being able to say to people when I'm writing for them, like, are you sure 10 years from now you want people to know this story?
[00:28:54] In this way, do you feel comfortable with that? And it's been a game changer in [00:29:00] coaching and writing because that is the discussion we have quite frequently. Like, you're hanging your hat on this. Is this a hill you're willing to die on? Because forever and a day, if you say this thing, it's going to be repeated back to you in every interview and every, you know, biography and every bio and every podcast and every news story.
[00:29:21] For the rest of your life. And are you prepared for that? This, by the way, does not deter people from telling their story. This is not what I'm trying to do. I'm just saying that the way that we share information, if you're somebody like me who loves freedom and prefers to be kind of anonymous and behind the scenes, I'd be more cautious about what I put out into the world versus somebody who's like, I want to be a celebrity.
[00:29:42] I want to be on the cover of every magazine to do. They read a totally different book, a hundred percent. Yeah, and, and this translates into other content forms, right? Because I I see a lot of this on social media too, where sometimes people post something really personal and then a few hours later you see they've [00:30:00] deleted it.
[00:30:01] And it's, you know, we forget that people see stuff and they can screenshot and people will remember it. And, um, yeah, I think there's a whole conversation there about. We've all got stories, we've all got things that we think, oh, if I could sit you down and tell you this, you would be amazed, or you wouldn't believe what I've been through.
[00:30:18] We've all got those things. People do that to me all the time. I can imagine. Everybody starts the conversation with, I have a book idea, and then they stole their book idea. Now, here's the beautiful thing. I believe every single one of us has a story to tell inside of us. I often think that our perception of what's worth telling is skewed It's so skewed and oftentimes what you think you want to tell by the time you talk to me, I'm like, please don't tell that story.
[00:30:45] That's just trauma dumping on everybody. Don't do no, don't tell that story. Like, you can't. Um, 1 of the things I had to get really comfortable with, and it was actually an, a publisher that taught me this was. When you're a story keeper, [00:31:00] meaning you're the person that everybody tells their stories to your, it's really easy for people who are uninformed and unaware.
[00:31:07] To vicariously traumatize you, because a lot of us have trauma with a big T, and we've not healed it, and then when they tell you the story, like, there is one story that sits in my memory, and I will not tell it because I refuse to vicariously traumatize anybody today, but there is one story specifically that a woman told me over dinner one night that still to this day haunts me enough that I have talked to a therapist about it on multiple occasions.
[00:31:34] Cause I started having nightmares and like heart palpitations when anything even close to her scenario kind of happens or triggers it. And I'm like, what is going on? Like this isn't mine. And it's literally the energy exchange of telling a story and the story sticks with us. It's kind of the reason why we as kids were, you know, we remember Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
[00:31:55] We remember the tales about Cinderella and whatever. And not just because Disney made a freaking movie [00:32:00] about it. That's right. We remember it because something inside of us is connected to it and learn the lesson, right? And so when we, when people tell you a story, nine times out of ten, I can't tell you the detail of the story.
[00:32:10] I can remember the lesson learned from the story. Yeah. And I think we have to be cautious and conscientious about the stories that we tell and not trauma dump on people that really find, I call it finding the ribbon or the bow, finding the lesson inside of the trauma. You can tell your traumatic story, but if you don't tie the bow and teach somebody a lesson and show them how to process it or how to navigate it themselves, you're actually just trauma dumping.
[00:32:37] The world does not need a trauma dump. I feel like that's social media right now. You can trauma dump on social media. Do not trauma dump in a book that's going to be your legacy for a lifetime, or else you're going to be known as the person who had this horrible thing happen to them and knew good actually came of it.
[00:32:51] That's a, that's a pretty sad legacy for me. Yeah, no, a hundred percent. I think there's been so many lessons, takeaways, [00:33:00] just so much in this episode. And there's so much I would love to talk more about. I want to know the marriage story for starters. I'm like, Oh my gosh, you've left me on a cliffhanger. Um, but I did say I would keep this to 30 minutes.
[00:33:11] So is there anything else that you want to share with the audience? Any kind of big lessons that you would like to share with anyone who is just navigating business and life and all the things that come with it? Yeah, I think, you know, so the statistics around writing books are actually amusing to me.
[00:33:28] 81 percent of all humans want to write a book. Only about 15 percent actually will start. 6 percent of those will make it halfway. And 3 percent will actually finish. Crazy, ridiculous numbers. It basically amounts to like less than 1 percent of all humans are ever going to write a book. And with so many stories to be told and so much legacy and IP in the world, I think more people need to get into writing books.
[00:33:54] But I think that the way that we use books now is different than it used to be. So, you know, if [00:34:00] you kind of think of the pie method, which is persuade, Inform or entertain. That's what that's the 3 reasons we typically write books. I think more people could benefit from writing business books that help market their business than just desiring to become a New York Times bestseller.
[00:34:14] For the record, a New York Times bestseller runs somewhere in the realm of like 5 million dollars these days. So, unless you're rolling with about 5 million to to invest. Probably not high on the priority list to become a New York Times bestseller. But if you want to simply write a book to market, to have people explain and warm up to you, to truly understand your mission or what you're really good at, write that, make that a gift and do it in ways that are like little small things that you can hand out.
[00:34:43] A book instead of a business card is a pretty strong, like, I'm an authority. I'm an expert. That's, that's a power move in my world when you can hand somebody a book and be like, I wrote a book here, take a read. And even if I never cracked the book, and this is going to sound ridiculous, but even if I [00:35:00] never cracked the book, there's an authority and an expertise that's gained writing a book that you just don't have if you don't write one.
[00:35:07] So I'm a big fan of writing, obviously, but, um, I think more people need to. Need to try their hand at telling their tale and it's catharsis, it helps, it heals, um, and it leaves behind something that, you know, when you're gone, we, we still know what you were passionately involved in. And I love that for all of us.
[00:35:29] Yeah, I think about this sometimes. My dad sometimes says, Oh, I'd love to buy a book and I think I would love to read a book. I would love to read a book by family members and family members who are no longer here anymore. And I think sometimes I guess it's come back to what we said earlier about that sort of external success.
[00:35:46] We think, Oh, I want to write a book because I want to be number one on Amazon or I want to make a million or whatever. But actually, what if we just wrote books because we wanted to write books? And I mean, so many of us have [00:36:00] stuff to say, and we always, nobody ever feels like they're heard, right? Like, the number one thing that people say is nobody hears me.
[00:36:07] Nobody understands me. A book is a place where you can be heard and understood and seen exactly as you want to, because you control the narrative. It's the one place in the entire world where you get to control the narrative. You don't have to, anything that you say, or write, or believe, or want to leave behind, you get to say it when you write a book.
[00:36:27] Even if you're using a ghostwriter, I mean, you're approving. I'm just taking what's in your brain and putting it on a page, but it's all you. That's what you get to leave behind in this world, and, um, yeah. I think more of us should control our own narratives instead of waiting for the world to control the narrative for us.
[00:36:43] Well, for anyone listening who is like, Oh my goodness, I need to connect with you. Where can they come and find you? Where can they contact you? Super easy. So it's at word magic copywriting, um, or word magic copywriting. com. Nice and easy. Um, yeah, [00:37:00] find me online. I love, I share a lot of information on writing books.
[00:37:04] I also share about copywriting, obviously. Um, but, uh, books are kind of the passion. So amazing. Thank you so much. My pleasure, Gemma. Thank you. This has been such a good conversation. I know everyone's going to really enjoy it. So I really appreciate your time. My pleasure.
